Woii guyz!! Kalau ada yang nganggur hari Jumat, tanggal 11 Juni jam 18.30, kita nonton rame-rame pembukaan piala dunia di tempatku nyook...

Ditunggu kedatangannya.

Hmm.
Binun mau nulis apa?!
Mau nulis yang serius-serius, takut ntar salah tulis.
Mau nulis yang biasa-biasa aja, 'dah biasa.
Hehe.

Hmm.
Ini aja wes...

:: MeTa ::

Aku, Rany 'ma n1nna punya rencana ke Jogja Juni ini. Ada yang mau ikut? Tanggalnya masih menunggu jadwalnya n1nna, tapi silahkan kalau ada yang mau kasih ide tanggal. Menurut pengalamanku ma Meta dulu ke jogja bawa uang 900 ribu untuk berdua sudah cukup buat jalan dan belanja. Kendaraannya pakai kereta ekonomi. Mungkin bujetnya sekitar segitu buat berdua.

Kasih saran ya, rek...

Beberapa waktu lalu aku sempat sms ke smua teman-teman tentang niat untuk membuat arisan lagi, Nilainya 75 ribu, tapi kita nariknya tidak 75 ribu hanya 50 ribu, yang 25 ribu di sumbangkan. Nah, sampai sekarang acara itu tidak pernah terwujud, pingin banget mewujudkan itu karena kita sudah banyak diberi oleh Yang Maha Kuasa. Apa salahnya kita membagi sedikit nikmat yang diberikan kepada kita kepada orang-orang tidak mampu. Jika nilai yang aku tawarkan terlalu besar, aku minta pendapat dari teman-teman untuk nilai yang pas berapa. Semoga acara ini dapat benar-benar berjalan sehingga kita bisa memberikan manfaat untuk orang lain.

Aku bukan orang yang pintar menulis seperti yang lainnya, yang bisa menulis panjang lebar sampai membuat blog ini berlembar-lembar banyaknya.
Aku cuma ingin mengatakan: deNL memang jiwa kita semua. Kita hanyalah kumpulan kaum minoritas yang selayaknya saling mendukung/mensupport dan membantu. Karena hanya di sini lah kita dapat menjadi diri kita sesungguhnya tanpa topeng.
Jadi, ayo kita lebih menghangatkan deNL dengan tulisan-tulisan (yang pandai menulis), saling membantu dan menjaga teman-teman sekitar kita.

Aku memang diam, tapi bukan bisu, tuli, ataupun lumpuh tanpa tindakan.

Dulu bisa dibilang aku sangat vokal pada saat siapapun anggota DENL ada masalah (sejak hanya berempat -aku, n1nna, Aya, Meghi...plus Megha menyusul). Aku merasa menemukan kawan "secara kebetulan" seperti Aya, n1nna, Megha (dan lainnya sampai sekarang), bukan sebuah kebetulan belaka. Sesulit apapun awalnya aku ketemu n1nna, se-mbulet apa ketmu Aya, dan se-males apa ketemu Meghi, tapi semuanya memang harus diawali dari sana. Aku masih nyambung, bahkan ingat dengan jelas detil-detil kejadian apa saja pada saat deNL hanya berempat, berlima, sampai banyak kayak sekarang.

Mungkin memang tidak banyak yang terceritakan secara langsung ke aku, tapi aku tetap tahu update sobat-sobat deNL (Tuhan selalu menunjukkan jalanNya). Aku memang tak lagi vokal seperti saat ak tahu satu persatu masalah kalian, karena pada saat ini anggota tidak lagi empat atau lima kepala. Ada beberapa kepentingan yang perlu aku tengahi dan bijak-i.

Jangan membenciku jika seolah aku tanpa tindakan (terlebih pada "barathayudha" barusan), aku cuma bisa bertindak atas apa yang bisa aku rubah. Aku tidak langsung berbicara pada R1, karena aku tahu bisa lebih menitipkan dia dengan tenang pada R2. Aku tidak berbicara pada N1, karena aku percaya dan kenal bagaimana totally N1, dan dia hanya butuh waktu serta proses buat kembali jadi N1 yang (sesungguhnya cukup) bijak. Aku tidak vokal menindak A secara frontal lagi, karena akan jauh lebih berhasil mengingatkan A secara becanda tapi mengena (ngaplok!!! heheheh). Ak jg tidak langsung menangani N2, tapi aku titipnya pengendaliannya pada A. Aku juga tidak lupa menitipkan V atas penghiburannya pada F. Guys, aku gak berinteraksi pada kalian langsung, tapi aku sangat peduli dan sayang pada kalian. Pada saat sikonku di pertengahan seperti kemarin, cuma inilah yg terbaik yang aku rasa bisa aku lakukan. Aku mengikuti saja kemana arus sobat-sobat kita, tanpa aku berusaha mengikuti salah satu pihak. Aku cuma aku, dan akulah deNL, di mana ketika (terutama) founders deNL ribut dan semua kalang kabut, aku harus tetap tahu bendera deNL akan kemana. Dan aku tetap bertahan, bersikukuh deNL TIDAK BUBAR! (meski beberapa telah melepas badge "deNL" dari kaos dan hati mereka).

Aku tidak diam, meski gak berkoar lantang lagi. Bukan karena "aku toh tidak ikut terlibat." Tapi aku teramat memikirkan perasaan kalian satu persatu, karenanya aku gak mau terlihat lebih mementingkan "perasaan si ini si itu". Biar aku bertindak dengan caraku untuk mempertahankan kalian dan deNL.

Mungkin ada anggota deNL yang sama-sama fanatik seperti aku, tapi mungkin juga ada yang cuma menganggap teman kongkow (karena belum mengalami kesulitan dan masalah bersama, atau kurang partisipasi ngumpul, dll)...tapi....

Aku percaya, menemukan kalian adalah menemukan berkah dan keluarga baru. Aku gak bisa menggambarkan seberapa bersyukurnya aku. Banyak kawan/group dalam "dunia ke-dua kita" yang aku kumpuli, tapi tetap saja tidak seperti deNL. Kita tidak bervisi, karena kita cukup sederhana pingin jadi manusia baik, itu saja. Kita tidak muluk-muluk pingin memperjuangkan nasib "dunia ke-dua" kita keseluruhan (mengingat keterbatasan daya dan penjagaan "nama baik") tapi kita cukup bisa menjaga solidaritas dan toleransi antar deNL. Kita bukan orang suci yang "anti" kata "COK" tetapi "COK YO COK", "MARI YO MARI"! Dan apapun sikon dan ganjalan inter group kita, ada salah satu aja yang butuh ngumpul bersama, kita berusaha profesional tetap ngumpul. Sadarkah kalian semua....disanalah letak kekuatan kita!

Aku percaya arus tetap akan terarah, gelombang akan tertata. Dan kita, akan kembali lagi bersama. Tidak perlu ragu mengatakan "fuck you", but "totally u're still be my friend, somehow". Dan inilah, jangkar sudah mulai diangkat, kita harus kembali ke arus sebenarnya, menjadi keluarga dalam "dunia ke-dua" yang saling membantu, toleransi dan inspirasi! Totally Refresh!!

So...untuk menghadiahi keberhasilan kita bersama mempertahankan deNL, aku kado kalian sebuah website yang lebih tertata, yah, pren... Silahkan urun apapun didalamnya, tapi akan ada aturan-aturan biar blog kita lebih inspiratif. Ada usulan lain??

Cups of coffee accompany me all day long, this afternoon
Trying hard to banish all the crazy thoughts
And clear the mind with listening to the music
They just like an alien to me, speaking unknown language
Damned, still I cannot clear the mind
I try a different way
All the way that cross in the mind
Damned, I wish this thing as easy as I wrote these feeling through my words
I cannot compromise with myself
How could I compromise with all the things that hit me in front?
All I can do is just hang on there
And accept all the hit
Accept all the hit

Compromise
I should underline this words
Compromise with myself
And emphasize it beneath my heart
Swallow it all whole
This just, how easy i'm exploring my words to make it simple
These are just simple
I'm just complicated
That's all

So easy to define me as "I"
No plural things, always to be a singular in anything
Like me, that always see you as a someone solely
Difficult to be replaced from other
But the fact is, I, am being removed from anyone’s memory
Cannot see it in the whole thing
I, just too arrogant to be solo in a whole wax
The truth is, I just part of the messy things that happen
я и мои немощи
(Ya i Moi Nemoshchi)
I and my infirmity
To be united in a particular form
That become me as a some one (1)

I know
There must be some longing feeling right now
Remembering the time when we were around
Laughing at our jokes that sometimes worn out
Flirting to the people that passing by on our way
And when there is no one noticed at us
We just steal our kisses
And laughing at our foolishness

I know
There must be some yearning feeling
Brought to mind the moments that we were stick together
Feel the heat of our body
Hear the beat of our heart one to another
Just can't be apart of us even a single minute
We hugging so tight in every night we slept
And there a smile on our face
We have on our same dreams

And I know
I still recognize that feeling
I've known by those feeling

I do not care
With what has happened to me
Saw you walking away
Rejoice and find your happiness
With someone else
I tried to smile as well
And feel what you feel happy today
I see your face shining and crystal clear
Like I have not seen you before
I wish I could make you like this now
I'll be very happy
Above all
I do not care about myself
I'm just glad to see you happy
So different now with the time you first
See you smile when you’re with someone else
The smile that I have not seen before
When with me

Sitting alone in a city park
Under the auspices of artificial light orange-colored garden
See the people passing through
And foreign sound of the cars roar in the air
In a crowded street
Everything seems alive and moving
Refraction of light rays that night
Forming a face looming in memory
Smiled as if she were present and accompanied
Wandering a mind and possessed me
As usual
I smiled and let the shadow of you
Accompany
Under the auspices of the park lights and crowds of foreign voices
I'm drowning in my loneliness
With the shadow of you
In this park

The rain just came
Left it marks between the tread
And grass sparks luminous
Give a heart shape
Among a pool of water and sparks
The sky appears white and opaque
Accompany a gloomy cloud
Remembrance of rain had just passed
Not to linger
Only briefly
And still feels the color
Among the pines' top
And the smell that permeated
Between the soil and wet leaves
And the wind carrying wounds
Scurrilous imprint om the face of the cloud
Imprint and opaque

Kali ini, sekarang
Di tengah hari ini
Suara angin, berbicara bahasa asing
Di atas atap, di antara daun-daun
Aku bisa mendengarnya, menceritakan tentang waktu yang hilang
Ketika masih bisa melihat tawa dan ceria
Di mana kamu?
Kamu yang biasanya berada di dekatku
Berbagi senyum
Menyapu air mata pada dosa-dosa kita satu sama lain
Saling menggoda dengan tatapan
Kulit dengan kulit
Bibir dengan bibir
Di mana kamu?
Kehadiranmu di masa lalu
Aku kehilangan jejakmu
Sekarang
Sekarang ini
Di hari-hari ini

Di antara tumpukan note-note kecil
Di bawah tray dokumen-dokumen kerjaku
Di bawah kertas-kertas kecil lainnya
Terlupakan dan tidak bertanggal
Tertulis

"Aku tidur dalam sadarku
Bangun dalam tidurku
Tidak tahu mana yang nyata
Kepergianmu
Atau rasa sakit ini?
Semuanya begitu tidak nyata
Tapi benar adanya
Aku tersesat dalam kenyataan"

Membaca ini,
Seakan aku berada di tempat lain
Dan waktu lain
Jiwa dan raga lain
Yang sebentar datang
Untuk memberikan pesan
Yang tertinggal dan terlupakan
Dalam secarik kertas kecil

Me against these days
Having all ally with coffee shake
I surrender to those silence
And unspoken thought

My friend
I'm giving up
Coffee shake is all my ally
Inspite of you
Just give me a sign
When we can toast as a friend
Like we used to
And a cup of coffee shake is my ally
For you is a glass of milk

It's a lazy afternoon
Where I lay my down my body on the bed
Scratching the words, feeling kind of something
I let my mind imagining the blue of the seashore
With the warm sunshines
And I've been expecting the one to come along
In the summer breeze of a lovely season

I've been traveling somewhere
When I got shattered in the garden of roses
Felt I have been there before
When my heart said so,
Expecting the one to come along
With the look of love
Just like a star sparkling
In the summer night of a lovely season

I close my eyes to recognize
Piece by piece the views that has appeared in the mind
I can feel the sense that I have been there before
In the small house near the forest
Where the hills watching us through their valleys
And the bright blue lake spread the lovely scenery
Just like a thousand diamond
Dancing with the sunray

I feel the one, grabbing my hand
Together to see the charming expression of the nature,
Greeting us in the spring life
I can feel my heart just start to bloom
Eager to release the feeling of peace and comfort
On my shoulder of the one

Begitu nyata dan juga fatamorgana
Ketika berbicara tentang rasa
Dia akan berteriak dengan lantang
Lewat jeritan hatinya
Dan mulut yang terdiam
Yang akan menggetarkan tanah berpijak
Angin yang mencerabut semua yang disentuhnya
Menimbulkan badai yang pernah ada
Di setiap pikiran yang terlibat di dalamnya
Sangat mematikan

Perempuan sebuah fatamorgana
Manisnya bibir ketika saling mengecup
Adalah sebuah awal perjalanan yang tidak nyata
Hati akan terdiam dalam dinginnya udara
Juga akan membara dalam lautan luka dan kecewa
Ketika tersadar
Seperti hidup dalam dunia mimpi...
Hanya bekas carut di hati yang ada
Dan rasa sakit yang nyata
Dia akan berjalan dan menghilang dalam benjana rasa yang baru

Aku tidak percaya pada perempuan
Tetap hati ini tidak bisa berpaling akan sosok mereka
Anggun juga menghancurkan
Diam juga memporak porandakan
Manis juga sangat mengiris berserpihan
Tetap aku tidak bisa lepas dari mereka
Untuk merasakan sakit yang lebih dalam lagi
Dalam pelukannya
Perempuan

Apa yang membuat hati begitu bebal
membalut luka dengan serpihan-serpihan garam kenangan
menambah busuk ingatan yang tersisa
ingatan yang masih lama bertahan
dari semua yang sudah usai

di dalam raga ini,
hanyalah seorang yang berhati setipis bulu
tidak berani menghadapi apa yang telah terjadi
ataupun yang akan lewat
hanya berani menantang,
lewat nyalat mata yang beku
bergemeretak miris pecah
dan jiwa yang memberontak
menyalahkan raga yang terdiam kaku membisu

ingin rasanya melepaskan diri sejenak dari raga
yang terlalu sombong untuk berserah pasrah
menyejajarkan badan dengan bumi
begitu nyala
masih luka ini berbalut
terlalu
sampai jiwa enggan tuk berbagi dengan raga

A message left in the answering machine
play a sound of grieving from a little girl
she's been looking the life in the other side
where everything seems so hard and out of her thought

she call up in the middle of the night
telling that the past always haunt her wherever she hide and walk
she couldn't take it anymore
that everything seems so dark
force her to cry and break down
accepting all the wound and hurt
feeling that still burning in her heart
hoping for the breeze swept the mourn

wanting the answer
just waiting for the answer that unspoken
only reality that a little bit bump her hardly to the ground
just be strong my girl
just be brave
you've been surviving
and you will
now and then

Whenever i got sorrow
i feel there is someone
that laugh over my pain
whenever i got happiness
i feel there is someone
that laugh over my joy
whenever i got cheer up
i feel there is someone
that laugh over my life
whenever i got worried of my life
i feel there is someone
that laugh over my chicken shitt
whenever i got confident in my day
i feel there is someone
that laugh over my ego
whenever i got consciousness in faith
i feel there is someone
that laugh over my trully will
whenever i got pain
i feel there is someone
that laugh over my wounds
whenever i got numb myself
i feel there is someone
that cry over my dead body
whenever i got silent
i feel there is someone
that cry over my poor mind
whenever i got dumb
i feel there is someone
that cry over my ass
whenever i die
i feel there is someone cry over my frozen soul
i see cry and laugh
over my beautiful ordinary life

Terbias sepi wajah senja
Angin sendu berjalan tertatih - tatih
Mengiringi langkah diri
Sendiri
Nanar
Dan resah

Biru langit tenggelam dalam kelam, pekat
Tak terlukiskan perasaan
Berbalut rindu yang tak terbalaskan
Nyanyian hati merintih sedih
Kaku sembilu menggapai kehampaan

Apakah diri terbawa mimpi?
Dalam kasih yang tak terpaut
Lara
Pedih
Dan getir

Wahai bintangku
Langit mulai kelam menanti cahaya yang tara
Dingin berlari menutup cahayamu
Menyesakkan dada yang hina

Akankah datang juga wahai bintangku?
Akankah sadar juga wahai cahaya malam
Berpadu riuh dalam gelap dan terang

Kaku
Dingin dan tak bergerak
Satu, satu dalam mimpi tanpa batas
Diam
Bergolak
Dan memanggil

Akankah bangun wahai bintangku?
Akankah luluh wahai sinarku?
Ataukah sadar akan jiwa dan raga yang membeku
Hanya untuk menanti bintang di langit
Ataukah mati

Drifted off silent in the twilight visage
Melancholic wind, walking stagered to its feet
Accompany the steps
Alone
Furious
And restless

The blue of the sky, drawning in the dark, pitch dark
Undescrible feeling
Alone
Blue
And faded

Four directions, gathers in one point of doubtness
Bound of missing that unretaliation
The song of the heart that goan, distressing
Hard
Grieving
Reach out the emptiness

Am i blowed by the dream in the love unbinding?
Sad
Pain
And sour

Hail my star..
The sky ready to fade away
Waiting for the solely light
And chill run through cover your ray
Block the air of the poor heart
Will you come indeed my star?
Will you awake?
Hail of the night ray
Twisted in dark and ray
Hard, chill and unmoving

Sole, sole in your unlimite dreams
Stay still
Bubling
And calling

Will you wake up?
Hail my star
Will you melt away?
Hail my ray
Will it be wake up for the frozen soul and sense
Waiting for the star in the sky
Or is it pass away?

Kiss me
Where the passion has comes around
Surrounding the mind, forgetting the time
Touching your chin with my fingertips
Feel the heat covering your head
Where there is no space for both of us
Feeling of great, kind of electric sharp
Feel nice and pulse

Touch me
Where the heat has fall down
Still the passion dancing in my bone
When the heart cannot stop the lust
Fasten the step, searching for the rush
Of emotion that never be stopped
Feel great and light up

My eyes close
My heart open wide
For the feeling that run, come beneath my vein
I can see you breathing in pulse
Searching the feeling that come in harsh
We've been falling in the wide green grass
Feeling kind live and crash

Sitting here alone of nowhere
There are some empty feeling
To wonder...
What is life for?
Reaching out the dreams
But nothing is going through

Life is wonderful
But there is no place to reach it

Smell of the four season
Cannot cure the blue of the heart
Feeling blooming but then winter has come
Leaves has fall, spread the smell of missing
Never know...
The time has roll the faith
Who can be blamed?
That the decision has turn away
Cold, dark and whisper
Reaching out
The fail
And then gone

Ii've crossed the river through the forest
But nothing can be so excited
When I see the bluest sea and sky
Where they're greeting me with the beautiful season
I've been traveling the time with their greatness

I have stood up here in the middle of nowhere
When a silence air touching my face chill
I've frozen my mind
When its wandering in the blank space
Looking inside of all what's happening in this time
And I've been blinded by the time that stand still
Walking without spread the moments
That makes me wondering why
I've been gaped by a silence air
And my face chill still

I've been looking for the truth of myself
What I want is still become a wandering question
I've been searching the clue inside my heart
When its spread the moments
That I don't quite understand of where I have to go
I've been shattered by my own mind
There is no clue to say who I am

I am a hero where there is no war to gain
In the battle of peace
I am a princess where the season show its greatness to nature
I can be anyone who confident in facing the time ahead
All I want is just being in the time
When the air still coming breeze
Welcome the day that colorful still

I've been flying in the air
When all the vessels in my body showing their beats
I am alive
Gazing the life of stars
And the pale of the moon
I am alive
To show how great I am
Standing in the time of life
I can feel my hair dncing in the air breeze
I am so alive



*the greatest life that i have got
there are so many faces that come out through the mind
where everything so fresh and cheer up
(M.P.D. : Multiple Personality of Disorder)

Ketika jiwa terkunci dalam lubang kediaman
Tersesat di jalan kesunyian
Gerak jiwa tlah membeku, memaku mimpi tak bertepi
Hipnotis jiwa tlah berlaku
Memaksa jalan tuk tetap beku
Tak dapat dirasa waktu sunyi ada di darah
Membekukan denyut nadi
Mensunyikan langkah diri

Hipnotis
Ketika rasa telah datang terbuang
Terlempar jauh dalam bara raga
Meninggalkan biru dingin dalam kalbu
Gerak hati telah kaku
Membiru dalam nadi tak bergeming

Hipnotis hati telah bersatu
Menderap alur langkah darah
Memaksa tuk tetap ada
Membakar rasa kian mengembara
Ke dalam hati yang tak bertata
Terhipnotis

Drizzle has dancing in the air
Pour its water such a fireworks
Hand in hand, couple of heart walking through the rain
Sound of raindrops and lightning surrounding them
For the evening music
Hand in hand spread the powerr of lovely spring
Heading the future, shines its hope and wishes
In the corner avenue the heart has speak the sense

Drizzle has dancing in the air
Give the music for the beautiful one
Hand in hand feel the power of togetherness
Through all the barrior against the steps
In the corner avenue the heart has been settled

Drizzle has dancing in the air
For the melting years that reveal the unstate event
That has been left
The rain has stopped, swept all the memories for the one
Left the roses fading its color, forgotten
Hand in hand senseless the power of forgiven
Flow off the leaves that lay in the gray land
In the corner avenue the heart has been shattered

Little girl walking through the fores
Searching for the running shadow
Across the rivers and ponds
Her name is julia

She's walking through the blackness of the jungle
Looking for the truth of the feeling that has grow
The strength of the feeling that still in flame
Inside her heart that make her awake still
Julia is chasing the shadow in the mind
Where day in day shows its clearness
The sense that clear enough to be recognized

Julia never stop to run
Enter the time she never been before
Where the feeling keep strong
And the time when everything seems to be so light
Julia never give up to get the truth of the sense
When the time shows its truth

She was so glad found out herself
Shattered in the forgotten time
Where everything to be so strange
But julia never wondering about the things
That seems to be upside down
She has state her mind that the feeling
Still goes on

Julia loves me, where the feeling suddenly burst out
Open the whispering shadow into the clearness shape
I've been wandering around, floating in the air
Where julia never stop to open her mind
To seize all the sense that seems so whisper

Julia always confident for the things
That happen in the head
Or I know that julia loves me in deeply heart
When she's running through the forest
She's chasing after me
When my soul roaming in the air
Looking for the shade
I realize, Julia is the place
Where my heart stay in bloom
I realize, julia loves me

Stand still I watch the life is going
I just can feel the heart is still less
Run the day to find the answer of mind's question
Why do I have to feel this?

Roaming the time to another life
Is this gonna be over and finish the game?
Life has so many changing and old
Large changing and another pass by

Sometimes bad to be good
Good to be bad and that make us tired to feel
But we have to face it anyway,
Just for sacrifice
Seeing if there is something left to keep

The faith that makes the mind strong to walk
That life is gonna be bright tomorrow
Tomorrow

Call of the morning
Wake me up for the shine dream of far place
Take me to the real of air breath
Here I am standing beside you
Don't feel it, the sense of life's great

Call of the morning
The words of nice
Speak out from the great source
Don't spend it all
I'm not ready to fall of the ground

Call of the morning
Babe, I ain't lie the truth of now
Just to be the one of the morning shine
Of alone

Sendiri...
Kan kutapaki jalan ini dalam keheningan hati yang bening
Menghadapai langkah demi langkah yang terlalu dirisaukan hati
Akan keramaian jalan yang penuh dengan liku

Sendiri...
Kan kurasakan sepi yang tlah datang menyapa
Mengusir keceriaan hati ketika ada rasa
Menggapai sembiluku merasakan kesakitanku
Tahu akan rasa sakit ini...?

Sendiri...
Tanpa kaupun aku berarti
Di jalan yang ramai sunyipun datang
Ketika hati terketuk akan ke-ada-nya kamu
Sunyiku adalah hatiku
Dan ramainya jalan adalah kamu (penuh liku)

Sendiri...
Akupun melangkah dengan rasa yang tersimpan
Berpadu dengan rasa sepi
(Keramaian jalan hanya akan mengusik keheningan hati yang bening)

Sunday morning of jerk
Founding the one left for nothing
Knowimg the one to be a looser
And seeing the one state for the new vow
Of sunday morning

Sunday morning of bitch
Feel the hurts of mind from the past
Taste the blood of roses
Kissing the two of fools
Of sunday morning

Sunday morning of damn
Freezing the mind of the past memory
Holding the vow of fucking jerk looser
Sunday morning of me

If I were knew the feeling of broken heart be just like this,
Maybe I would like to have the hurts from the begining
Then maybe I’ll have your love at the end
And you’ll love me too

You are the one that I love with all my infirmities
Thought that you love me too unconditionaly
How could I know that there will be good bye for me
When I feel the love for me so sure
And we miss every kisses and touches each other
Thought that we got addicted of us
Tut that wasn’t enough for you

I’m wrong
My faults with my emotion and anger
With you all the anger are gone
Without you, I’m just like stormy weather
Now that it’s getting worst
My faults

You say good bye and I have to say goodbye
You walk away with someone else
And I have to watch you

you smile and kiss her tenderly
you’ve got on her of what you’ve felt to me before
i’ve got what the aches of what i ‘ve never thought before
that i have to letting you
that i must letting you
conditionally
i’m letting you go
all the past
all the sense
all the hurts
if it might kill me
then it kill me

Tonite, at 12.05 A.M.
Still I cannot let my eyes close
Restless heart and wandering mind
They just speak foreign language to me
I can’t understand it, only feel something strange in the heart
Something clingy and ache
So real

Why I just be like this?
Always tremble and fragile
Everytime my heart speaks the language
It breaks me down, about your love

I wonder,
When you sleep and smile on your face
Is it the love of me that affecting you this way?
I can see your smile lifting and whispered on your face
You speaks a foreign language
Telling me that you love me, not

There is a face that always haunt you in day or night
Feels like I’m not there when I’m there
Yes, you love me, not
The face that makes you smile
And suffering in love
Just like you never felt before
And I know for sure
That this is not for me for the love that you’ve shown
Yes, you love me, not

I’m tired not to not think about it
About you and all your overwhelm words about her
Say that you being egoistic to your self for loving her
Instead of me that shattered just like that

I’m tired being just like that
That easy for you to define me as a “no longer lover”
Say that you just cannot explain where is the love
That used to fill your heart
Just like the air that fully load in your lungs

I’m tired to see the fully loaded heart of you
When you talk about her
Say you just cannot live without
And your overwhelm cares to her just like never be replaced

I’m tired
I’m just tired in facing all of these
I’m tired of you and her

Remember me...
When the ground has already spread on my body
Don’t be sad...
Just remind all the memories inside the heart
With me

Remember me...
Where the sun goes down and the darkness cover my body
Don’t be so grieve...
Just put the flowers over my dungeon instead of grave
And I’ll be so peace

Remember me...
When my soul just about to fly on the other life
Don’t be vulnarable...
Just remind your mind
That I ever be the one of your life

Remember me...
If your heart cannot hold the missing of my soul
Don’t cry...
Just give me your words to the almighty
So that I can be so peace

Just remember me...
When your soul crying for my eternity
In the heart of the One
Just remember me...
Remember of me

Cakrawala itu masih luas membentang
Biru, tenang dan masih mengambang menyelimutiku

Cakrawala itu takkan ada kalau rasa itu memang tuk sekejap
Hanya membuat ilusi terbentang sesaat lalu menghilang
Tapi cakrawala itu masih ada nyata merangkuh seluruh raga dan jiwaku

Kurasakan biru dan tenangnya alam yang kau ciptakan
Ku tak ingin tersesat dalam luasnya cakrawalamu
Kuingin bebas dan lepas dalam rangkuhmu
Hanya kau yang bisa menghidupkan cakrawala ini

Dan hanya kamu yang bisa membimbingku dalam luasnya ciptaanmu
Ku kan hilang tanpa cakrawala dan rasamu

Cakrawala itu telah menurunkan senjanya
Memaksaku tuk melupakan birunya langit dan tenangnya aroramu

Cakrawala itu berubah jingga
Menaburkan warna temaram yang membuatku tertatih – tatih melangkah

Sang surya yang seharusnya bersinar
Awan mendung merangkuhnya
Memeluk erat meredupkan sinar keemasannya

Cakrawala...
Tak kusesali kamu pernah ada
Menambah alam yang berwarna

Aku tahu, beradamu yang membuatku ada meski kupaksa
Bercahaya dalam langit pagi tanpa batas
Merekah, menciptakan pagi yang pernah ada

Cakrawalamu, kau selalu kubertatap walau tanpa kau sadari
Birumu menyelamatkanku dari hitamnya malam
Bintangmu telah memberikan surya penerang hati
Bulanmu, telah membuatku tuk tetap ada, walau tanpa kau tahu

Itu semua sudah berlalu di masaku dan bersinar
Aku ngga tahuapakah sudah berakhir dan punah?
Tapi tetap cahaya itu ada
Membias dan memantulkan rasa,
Ataukah memang aku yang terpesona oleh masa yang lewat
Bersama cakrawala yang hanya sebuah ilusi ataukah refleksi
Aku luluh, aku pasrah dan aku lelah
Aku sadar, cakrawala terlalu luas untukku
Tak dapat kuberdiam ataupun melangkah
Semua seakan berhenti begitu juga dengan masaku

Selamat tinggal cakrawalaku
Selamat tinggal biru langitku
Selamat tinggal bintang kejoraku
Selamat tinggal bulan hatiku
Selamat tinggal penyelamatku
Kulelah mengikuti jejakmu yang sedikit memudar
Selamat tinggal...
Kukan melangkah kebatas cakrawala
Ke dalam mimpi yang baru

Talking to you,
A thousand words cannot get enough
To give the pleasure of the mind
When there’s companion has land in the heart
Just showing a beautiful one
Come and grabs the hand

Seeing you,
A thousand colors spilled cannot get enough
To give good looking of the one
Where there’s a feeling going to melt
Just giving the days so colorful

Being with you,
A thousand moments in the past
Cannot get enough
To give a space of the nice
When the moment with you
Just sharing the incredible events that always new

Looking at you,
A thousand looks cannot get enough
To replace a single view that carved in the heart
When I see you smile,
The great moment I ever have
Just thinking of you and the day turns to clear

One and half an hour
I’ve been waiting
No sign of your presents
That will knock my consciousness

One and half an hour
I’ve been waiting
No clue of your shape
Appears in front of me to melt the mourn

One and half an hour
I’ve been waiting
No sense of your smell
Emerge and give the light of my day

One and half an hour
I’ve been waiting
And I chilled in my place already

Waiting
I can feel my blood running slowly to my back
Reveals the feeling of bored
When I’m stuck here,
No one can even talk to me
I’m just alone and petrified

Waiting
I can taste the air is going to get worn
Spread the feeling of bored
When I’m stuck here,
I cannot find the pleasure thing to gained
I’m just alone and chocked

Waiting
I can see the air turns to grey
Comes up impatient feeling and bored
When I’m stuck here,
I just want to scream so loud
I’m just alone and deflated

The wind is coming and touches my skin
Smoothly, whispering in my ear
Told me the story of the one
Which one I shall believe
The wind or just U

The sky is spreading the bluest scene in my eyes,
Spoiling me with the gorgeous look
That always haunts me in my mind
Which one I shall believe
The sky or just U

The sea is showing its peaceful
When the wave coming to the shore
It’s like a hand hold me so tender
Which one I shall believe
The sea or just U

The moon is standing in the line of firmament
Shines the light and smile into my heart
Unforgettable looks posses me in the eyes
Which one I shall believe
The moon or just U

The morning dew show its purity
Flirting in the surface of the leaves
It just dazzling me with its clearness
Which one I shall believe
The morning dew or just U

I shall believe
The sense that emerge in this heart
It just because of U
I shall believe
I shall believe of U

Talking to you,
A thousand words cannot get enough
To give the pleasure of the mind
When there’s companion has land in the heart
Just showing a beautiful one
Come and grabs the hand

Seeing you,
A thousand colors spilled cannot get enough
To give good looking of the one
Where there’s a feeling going to melt
Just giving the days so colorful

Being with you,
A thousand moments in the past
Cannot get enough
To give a space of the nice
When the moment with you
Just sharing the incredible events that always new

Looking at you,
A thousand looks cannot get enough
To replace a single view that carved in the heart
When I see you smile,
The great moment I ever have
Just thinking of you and the day turns to clear

I never know before that I have to follow this path
Which full of events that make dry these tear to cry off.
I’m just watching the life passing by with gray color to be memorized.
I don’t know these particular moments give such a priceless lesson to me or to whom that they feel chocked.
Are we so that lost, that God speaks up through our trance’s lullaby of being exist?
Are we so that strong to testify that we are the supreme one?
The supreme one?
We just borrow this land,
You didn’t leave us,
You speak to us, Speaks to us.
You lend us this body,
You lend us this mortality,
You give us this heart and soul
And all of these will come back to You, coming back to You
In any ways You will.
How far we are loosing the path we walked on
You just bring us home again
How far the distant we make, yield the awkward in the far way of journey
You just bring us home
How deep the wounds we make to ourselves
You just heal it nothing in return
For all of these will come back to You, coming back to You
In any ways You will.

I have a friend, her name is Eugene, and she came from East
One day I found her sit in the park with arms around and a face of mourn
“Life is sucks!!” burst out such a word through her mind easily
Never knows what life will take her since she was born

I remember when the story began
Starting from a glittering of past
Glowing pretty dim, quite damn uncompromised time to gain
Searching the one for the good, only pain comes over in the last
Feel regrets and disappointed cannot ease all the pain
For a little innocence life eager to see the world in rush
Eugene Alexis that’s her mother give a name
To be a witness and a yield of an unfair world in the past

23 years life has gone
Here she goes standing pretty shape feeling all alone
Never expected too much of sorrow for the bone
All she wants just through the life that still long
And I’m standing here nothing but to be a friend for
A whispering angel stretch the wings ready to sweep the sore
“What is bothering you about life?”
“To be all alone and nothing in this life seems so sure?”
I just want to be someone else and the one that survive
“So clink your bell then all the wishes will come to your door”
“Is that all that you want for the rest of your life?”
I just want to be like anyone else?
“Just to be yourself and be “a human”
“God thrown us out in the beneath of trash basket for a reason
Understand the essence of life itself”
But why I never be happy for my life?
“Be happy then, you can show your sadness and so happiness”
“Be sad but don’t too deep just like there’s no joy for tomorrow
Be happy and remember still of your sorrow”
I understand, to be myself, and being there in the path of life
Feel the rhythm of happy, sad, joy and sorrow
That makes me still “alive”
…………..Darkness turns lit glow

23 years life is still long to go
And I’m little angel ready to stretch my wings to flow
Looking for another faded vow
Here I am, a destiny of life ready to follow

You came in the time when everything looks so gray
Bring the dreams in your mind, hope someday can build a new hope in the day
Telling a story of long life expectation, it’s all you can say
Fly the words that we have to hanging on to every word you say
No escape for us this time, only keep the mouth shut
Just like a hammer fly in our head, stuck
Blow the dreams want to fly away

Why do we still hear you speech?
We live here not just only hear and freeze
We want to feel of what you have bustle around, still your strings bridle the air in our bellies
Is this kind of your protection to hide you fear?
Just like a dark shadow, arise your tears
Are you afraid of your shape gone?, starting to sheer

We’re not blank white papers in lay
Need your precious ink to fill our future in front if you may
We are archer for ourselves, need an arrow that can accept all the circumstances
We want to have our own shadow beyond yours
Over the broken vow never cross our mind, still we will go forward
When are we gonna walk if it is not our legs that we can counted on?

Why do you have to shout loud? Seems for you we are afraid of our own life
We are aware in every condition, let us drift off in our path
Greeting the sorrow and touch the happiness, Cuz’ the wind cannot shatter us just like that
Isn’t that your teachings planted in our brain?

Look at us! We open our eyes
It just a little bit eyesores come along, nothing else
Look at us! We begin to reveal our steps
It just a little bit bruises in skin, nothing more
And would you please try to look at us!
We can feel how great the sense really is
And we will wait the moment, just for you to know
We will wait ‘till our shadow appears in your eyes
To open wide your heart and mind


*inspired to oldman, i shout loud through words.

I'm diving to your teritory again
with the bruishes and all of my pain
crying on your arm
burst out all the barrier inside me
me, just a water flavoured of your sense
hail of the sea
take me down to your neath
cover me with your blues
wash my heart with your tide
I don't wanna be anywhere else but here
just take me to your arm
flinch me away from this ache
take me
with you
hail of the sea

If I had to stopped just one second not to think about the sea
Feels like the air lost its soul when the wind no longer comes by to send its breeze
If I had to loose my colour’s sight not to stare to the sea
Feels like shore faded in its ripples when the cliffs stranded nowhere offshore
It’s a spirit that emerge in the middle of blue sea
So bright, spread the sense of love surrounding in the heart
If I had to choose the form that I got to spilled in this time
I would like to alter my world in to a shape of sea
Greeting the blue and concord my life with the wind breeze
Feel the blue
Touch the waves
Flirt with tides
And grab the shore

I walked to this block again
Try to find of what has been left behind
The moment when you were here
Shared the joy and nothing can compared
Revealed the feeling, we can just see it
That it was really truly sense that took apart
Think it’s over nothing can be gained now
Only memories that always roaming the mind
How easy the feeling comes up beneath the heart

I sit in the park of this old town
When the story begin at the very first time
I just try to recognize the moment that still echoes in the heart
It just like yesterday when we can smile at each other
Hand in hand, nothing can hide the feeling of being truth
I thought it just like never last
When we can see our mind each other
But nothing can be changed now
We are 10.000 miles against our own differences

If all of these wouldn’t happened
Will you give me your truly love, take me higher
To feel the great of the sense
B’cos right now I feel lonely

If all of these has happened
Why didn’t you gave me the trust that
I needed much in facing the life
God knows I really want to have it
B’cos right now I don’t feel the love

If all of these wouldn’t happened
Will I have the same, when I hunger for the caress
Is it too much expectation for the life
That still long way to go, I cannot release
B’cos right now I feel so hopeless

If all of these has happened, yes it has happened
Would you feel relieve
Facing all with bare mind, just like letting go
The dust in the eyes
Why don’t you feel that way
B’cos right now I want a changing.

In the very fresh time I’m riding now
I feel the old spirit splashing and open the gate
When the past let it out
And reveals all the moment I buried
Never realize when it started and shown up
like a smell of the damp gray leaves
Refused to disappear, feeling kind of longing somewhere in a far place

And so the story running,
left all the senses behind, caged beneath the heart,
Open the truth of being lost in the line of consciousness
In this autumn, unforgotten sense has come out of the blue
Knocking the mind, for the picture of you still remains
I remember you…

I try to recall pieces of scattered memories
Wondering, that the mind still awake for the aging love
Knowing the feeling eager to bared,
the vision that has emerges in the eyes
For me, the melting fog in dawn is you for sure
Disappear in the thick fresh air that were abounding
Never wanted to come out of your sense

In this autumn, un-belonging feeling soaked beneath the heart
Just like damp gray leaves lay on the ground
Spreading the warm air coming breeze the skin
Touching the heart, for the vision of you still remains
I missing you…

See you walking across the street
When the wind coming and touching your hair
Seems to me that all my feeling get flow
Follow your move and your hair waving so sure

Never afraid to come out of what you feel
And I see your smile always melt the air
I feel all my emotion goes through your light eyes sight
When I catch the sign that we’ve crushed on

Tell me, what is all about?
Are you trying to show of what you kept in mind?
Are you thinking the same way I did?
When this heart stop beating just to catch the vision that you give to me
Do we have the same bubbling that clearly to show?
When the air that surrounding us flow through our heart
We’ve been drifted in the air slightly crushed on

I wish this is not gonna over that you’ve been care to me
You give me all I need, when I need a shelter you just lay my head upon your shoulder
You give me a piece through your blue eyes
Everything so obvious showing you’re all that I need
I can see the wide world out there with you
You makes everything real not just only thoughts before sleep that only show up when I start to close my eyes and gone through in the air as my eyes open again

Near you, I can feel the spirit of my life raise fill up my heart to move on
You give the strength to carry on and the barriers went away
You get the things make a sense not just only thoughts before sleep
That always haunted every hours I close my eyes
When I open my eyes, there it goes the vision has gone
Here by your side I can face the world bright than before
Even I know I can survive from all of this with or without you
But you give the color of my life
The various moment of my life
The kind for my life
And the thoughts before sleep come true

Right now, I just want to write
All my emotion goes freely through my fingers
Explore every corner of my dungeon
Seal it up, every words so very true
Reveals every senses that hide inside
All I want is just write

Everytime when I can feel all my feeling comes up clearly
Speak up through my vessels and every bubble in my blood
Showing the taste of higher in the top of my consciousness
All I want is just write

I might not know, what I’m gonna to show
And I will never stop to explore of what inside me
Digging the deepest sense in the heart
Talking about freedom
Just free and write

I never shock like the way I am now
Found myself never have all I want along my days
Being so happy, looking the days so wonderful
But it just only an illusive bliss, that getting stronger replace my thought of reality
There is one thing for sure that always be a barrier in this mind
I just try to let go of it, I don’t want to get stuck in this place
Cos’ you are the barrier for me
Just go away, stay away
It makes me relieve after all the time I have to carry you on my back

I saw you broken wings, failed facing this lovely life
And who the hell am I, always take care of your shit
Cos’ I know and you know that you completely find without me standing here near
I just try to let go of it, I don’t want to get into it, the blocks that you make
Cos’ you are the barrier for me
Just go away, stay away
It makes me feel glad after all the time I have to hold on to you

There are so many places out there you can put your net on it
There are so many rooms out there you can stay in
No way for me I have to take you there again

Where do you take me?
Right now I’m very tired for all day long I’ve been raced with time
To find out of what I’m looking for
I will wake up again, but please let me close my eyes for a while b’cos I feel my body revolt want to sleep
I just only count on you this time, where are we going it doesn’t matter for me as long as you here with me

Where do you take me?
All I can do is just grabbing my hands around your shoulder and lay down
I will continue my works but this time let me spoil my self by looking at you for a cure of this heart
How strong you are, carry me without any complain just walk ahead with a lovely eyes, just want to cheer me that everything is just fine.

Where do you take me?
It doesn’t matter, just follow your steps is great feeling for me and
How peaceful the feeling I’ve got when I lay my head upon your strength and wide shoulder
Hear every beat of your heart just like the song of love, singing of lullaby takes me somewhere, some place far from the rage of life
and I sleep in your warmth surround me
Thank you, for giving me the great adventure along my days
And thank you for loving me the way I am and that is the greatest adventure that you gave me

Where do you take me?
And I will hold tight on you and cover my face upon your shoulder. There is no more worthy sense in this world than loving you with all my heart.

Am I too fast following this rhythm of the life?
Am I too slow catching up this track of the time?
Do I overwhelmed accept all the senses that life give it to me?
Do I capable face all the charm things that time give a shine to me?
No one tell me where do I have to stop in the next turn
Or when I have to run fast in the second turn
Did time made me change, seeing the world out there?
Seems to me the world become bigger and bigger or am I just shrink?
Did I change myself or life makes me change to get along with the rhythm of this time?
Am I ok? Am I alright?
At least, I can feel in my life, just stay there
And I feel it alright

You came to save me when I needed a wide shoulder to cry on
You gave me the cheers when the loneliness came
I never paid attention before when I felt my days of love with someone else,
the one who broke my heart into pieces
You the one who picked up piece by piece the scattered heart I have
For the length time, I never questioned the truth of your mind cos’ I’m too busy with my own sorrow
Still I feel the wounded when my heart hurt and I neglected you around
But you’re so busy cure me nothing in return

Till today 2 years ago
I should asked you to come to my world for the cares that you gave me
I should placed you inside my heart for the feeling that you’ve shown me
I never thought now the feeling inside me struggle want to know, against this sense of yours
For all the time I ain’t knowing you to be

You took me to the wide world out there
Gave me a power not to be drowning too deep in sorrow
For the time I wasted with the one who took my heart
So hard to get myself conscious again
But you the one who bring back my trust to reality
And took me the one above of all
Still I ain’t realize the precious things I’ve got is not far for me

Till today 2 years ago
I should gave a place beneath the heart for you that always shine the love of me
I should looked near me for the ever saviour that standing for me
not looking far for the one who loosing my feeling away
I should realized that day, today 2 years ago for my foolishness, letting go something else who to be my really ever saviour
Forgive me for the time I ain’t knowing you to be
Right there beneath my heart

Here she goes
another savior that entered my life,
I didn’t know who’s being saved here.
I’ve been broken wings
and you came
offering me to seize the air together.

We realized
this was the best way for us
to stayed alive from fading sense,
that’s our own enemy.
You’ve been searching of what life will take you
and I’m welcoming the life that flew me.
And that such a weird combination between us,
but it goes well so far.
We could get more than this,
grow our sense and fill each other.
We’ve been emerging the truth
yet open the hearth

but we don’t have courage
to make ourselves wake up at will.
Our feeling of compassion
cannot heal the ambivalent we’ve got.
We’ve been drifting away since now,
nowhere to point.

It took so long to get you out of my mind,
I always staying away from you
but why I always hanging on to every words you say.
It was a great story that we ever revealed
in our life and you’ve been totally unpredictable.
I couldn’t even take a deep breath to realized
what has been possesed me
and you already there ruined my beyond ordinary life.
You’re the devil along my days,
so easy for me to say fuck off
in the time I give my hand to you to hold on.
And I am the devil for my own skin
I didn’t even know who I am
yet it made me want to scream so loud.

And that’s it,
I’ve been totally lost my control,
it just like yesterday still I remember
the echo when my hand hit the wall.
It didn’t hurt me at all not when you hurt yourself.
‘Coz the impact did made me hell of shock.
Thanks for myself to flinch from you anyway.

I flattered that you offered me a gracious connection.
You were fine and absolutely well off.
I like you a lot when you accomplished
the messy things with your fingertip.
I always be your queen in everything
but you never let me walk with bare foot.
You’ve been so perfect in a whole wax,

in fact
I’m too much perfect ten for you
that you didn’t allow a single mistake
or a spot that stick in my skin.
It was six months of my own battle
and I have already loosing my own personality
for I stayed in my illusive bliss.
Thanks for giving me a place in your dungeon
but I have to move on.
I don’t want to miss a thing,
since I stayed with you all the world was seized up.

I’m so sorry
I was in bad emotion
when I realized you’ve been flown to my river
and then drowning deep
without even caught the bank of my heart.
It wasn’t all my faults at that time,
you gave me a light that I thought I might stay there
just for a while.
You gave me everything that I need
when I broken my heart to somebody else.
I’ve been blinded by my own obsession
to be completely well but I’m being oblivious.
The pain came last
when I felt you put a net of ignorance
and now you found somebody else new
totally sky and earth from me.
Well I guess you deserved to be happy.
I’d like to send regards to her,
it would be love having talk with her some other time.

It was the first march of 1999,
you’ve been attracted me
with your cat eyes and dangerous smile,
And then you turned my world upside down ever since.
My “Moonlight” that what you called me for you to be my “Night”.
I can feel the warm feeling
that surrounding me when you’re around.
We were young
and I realized I’ve been falling in love.
One night you made me out of the blue by the word you said,
“We are still young and there are so many things out there that yet we haven’t seen”,
it was the mighty sentence from you
that awake me from my trance for I’ve been crushed on you.
A short story of love has been entered to my memory’s book

Berjalan telanjang kaki di pantaimu
Berbicara dengan desir angin dan riak gelombang yang menyentuh kaki
Mencoba untuk diam sejenak dan mendengarkan hatiku bicara
Kepada bau air laut yang membuka pintu imajinasiku
Akan hadirmu yang berjalan disisiku sambil tersenyum
Memandangku dengan penuh arti

Ingatanku tak pernah lepas
Akan peristiwa–peristiwa yang telah terjadi
Ketika semua terasa begitu jelas
Dan dekat
Tidak ada yang lain
Hanya rasa itu
Kenangan–kenangan itu
Hanya menjadi kenangan
Hanya kenangan buatmu
Dan aku terlipat didalamnya

Waktu berjalan
Kamu melangkah
Dan aku membeku di antara waktu
Melihatmu berlalu tanpa menoleh
Dan bertanya ataupun tersenyum seperti dulu
Waktu membekukanku

Di pantai ini,
Aku berjalan sendiri

Aku telah berjalan di sepanjang jalan yang ramai ini
berharap ada wajah orang-orang yang kukenal di ingatanku
namun tak satupun menunjukkan rasa yang selama ini kucari

berapa lama lagi kumenatap dan memandang ke tepi jalan?
Mungkin sesuatu ada disana dan memberiku petunjuk
tak satupun cahaya yang menerangi di setiap sudut kota
tuk membuatku dapat melihat
dimana aku berdiri sekarang ini

berapa lama lagi aku tetap membuka lebar pendengaranku?
Tuk menangkap setiap suara yang akan membuatku tersadar
kalo waktunya kan tiba
memberikan gambaran yang terbaik di mataku

berapa lama lagi aku harus tetap menatap jalanan?
Berharap akan ada seseorang disana
memandangku dan memberiku
senyum yang murni
membebaskanku dari kesedihan ini
berapa lama lagi waktu itu akan datang?

10 A.M.
It was too cold, went outside the lodging house
but the sun shine bright
the heat slowly crawling and embraced into my skin
fresh of the plants being kissed by dews
made me felt so good
like I'm falling in love
but that view wasn't enough, so I went upstair
watched the blue sky and the wind coming breeze
God, I wish I'm in this moment forever
I can even hear the wind whispered in my ears
and the leaves dancing in their branches
my eyes open wide never loose the chance
to keep the moment in my mind
it was the day that I had on in my lodging house somewhere in march

*Malang

Among the raindrops
my mind roaming the chill of the night
looking for the views that surely appear
knock my consciousness

barely can't make me awake
and I just like to be this wandering
in night's dream
just to see you b4 you go to sleep
show me your smile
and just want to know that everything is ok

I like this way
accompanied by the wind and frozen air
standing between the dream and consciousness
just want to see your face
and give you a kiss goodnight
b4 you go to sleep

I remember
friend told me that
rain bring a news from a far
news that sent away all the grieving and sadness
news that make u smile

tonite, this night is raining
and I just listen to the raindrops
that slowly knocking on my rooftop
dancing on the surfaces

just like eager and want to see their old friends
the raindrops in rush
coming down and touch the ground

I remember
a friend told me
about the wet ground
that spread the smell of the rain
swept away all the sadness
and bring the memory of the past
just for a memory

and tonite, this night is raining
i hope u just feel happy
as the raindrops hug and kissing the ground

As a mark
that I've been there
in the time when I was so lost in love
I wrote a name in the sky
let the wind swept it away
let the clouds grab it away
their send it to the sun
wherever she just happy for it

Malam ini aku bersama kamu
duduk berdiam diteras rumah mendengarkan angin dan dedaunan
kamu dengan secangkir ovaltine dingin
aku dengan nescafe original
kamu bilang, kamu ingin melihat malam berjalan menemui pagi

malam ini aku bersama kamu
menemanimu duduk d sebuah bangku kayu
dikelilingi oleh pohon-pohon pinus yang menjulang tinggi
kamu bilang, kamu ingin menghitung bintang
yang malam sebelumnya kamu tandai dengan senyum dan binar matamu

malam ini aku bersama kamu
menemani kamu selepas sore yang penat
berjalan dibawah naungan lampu taman kota
langit begitu biru dan bintang-bintang tetap sama
dengan tanda yang kamu sematkan dikemilaunya

malam ini aku bersama kamu

I cannot deny, when my heart jump high in cheer
catches your voice over the phone
and you're greeting me,
"how've you been?"
"i just want to hear your voice and missing you"
i try to hide the sense that want to go out throuh the mind
i don't want you to know the bubble inside
just like want to say something like i miss you

with your honest and open sense
you just split it out of all you want to say
i just clearly feel tha you are missing me too much

over the phone,
i just try to overcome what has bubbling inside
still your voice roaming through my heart
just like never stop to try to looking
of what's on my heart too

"i do really miss you"
over and over again your voice goes out
just like big wave swept all my defenses
but still, i don't want to say something stupid like i miss you too

Driving on the highway
with an empty backseat and a frozen front rear glasses
heading to the south

for the lonely road is still stretch ahead
reveal an awkward and anxious mind
coz' a heart crying in chilled
being grabbed and possessed by the stillness of the night

there'll be songs that make you cry
for the broken vow that worn by the aging time
echoes it voice at the top of the cliffs, in the silent air
hailing for the heart that nothing forsake
no tears left, only the blackness of the night
accompany you along the way

and dust blowing in the air
swallowed by the darkness
wish for the dawn to smile and give a little bit cheers
for an empty heart shaped sea

there'll be songs that make you cry
still, you're driving on the highway
with an empty backseat and a frozen front rear glasses
heading to the south

Sebuah renungan, Semoga bermanfaat.

Ini cerita nyata, beliau adalah Bp. Eko Pratomo, Direktur Fortis Asset Management yang sangat terkenal di kalangan Pasar Modal dan Investment, Beliau juga sangat sukses dalam memajukan industri Reksadana di Indonesia. Apa yg diutarakan beliau adalah sangat benar sekali.

Silahkan baca dan dihayati.

MAMPUKAH KITA MENCINTAI TANPA SYARAT sebuah renungan buat para suami... Istri dan calon istri juga boleh.

Dilihat dari usianya beliau sudah tidak muda lagi, usia yang sudah senja bahkan sudah mendekati malam, Pak Suyatno 58 tahun kesehariannya diisi dengan merawat istrinya yang sakit istrinya juga sudah tua. Mereka menikah sudah lebih 32 tahun. Mereka dikarunia empat orang anak, di sinilah awal cobaan menerpa, setelah istrinya melahirkan anak ke empat tiba-tiba kakinya lumpuh dan tidak bisa digerakkan. Itu terjadi selama dua tahun, menginjak tahun ketiga seluruh tubuhnya menjadi lemah bahkan terasa tidak bertulang lidahnya pun sudah tidak bisa digerakkan lagi.

Setiap hari Pak suyatno memandikan, membersihkan kotoran, menyuapi, dan mengangkat istrinya ke atas tempat tidur. Sebelum berangkat kerja dia letakkan istrinya di depan TV supaya istrinya tidak merasa kesepian. Walau istrinya tidak dapat bicara tapi dia selalu melihat istrinya tersenyum, untunglah tempat usaha Pak suyatno tidak begitu jauh dari rumahnya sehingga siang hari dia pulang untuk menyuapi istrinya makan siang. Sorenya dia pulang memandikan istrinya, mengganti pakaian dan selepas Maghrib dia temani istrinya nonton televisi sambil menceritakan apa saja yg dia alami seharian. Walaupun istrinya hanya bisa memandang tapi tidak bisa menanggapi, Pak Suyatno sudah cukup senang bahkan dia selalu menggoda istrinya setiap berangkat tidur.

Rutinitas ini dilakukan Pak Suyatno lebih kurang 25 tahun, dengan sabar Dia merawat istrinya bahkan sambil membesarkan keempat buah hati mereka, sekarang anak2 mereka sudah dewasa tinggal si bungsu yang masih kuliah. Pada suatu hari keempat anak suyatno berkumpul di rumah orang tua mereka sambil menjenguk ibunya. Karena setelah anak mereka menikah sudah tinggal dengan keluarga masing-masing dan Pak Suyatno memutuskan ibu mereka dia yang merawat, yang dia inginkan hanya satu: semua anaknya berhasil.

Dengan kalimat yang cukup hati-hati anak yang sulung berkata, "Pak kami ingin sekali merawat ibu. Semenjak kami kecil melihat bapak merawat ibu, tidak ada sedikitpun keluhan keluar dari bibir Bapak. Bahkan bapak tidak ijinkan kami menjaga ibu." Dengan air mata berlinang anak itu melanjutkan kata-katanya, "Sudah yang ke-empat kalinya kami mengijinkan bapak menikah lagi, kami rasa ibupun akan mengijinkannya. Kapan bapak menikmati masa tua Bapak dengan berkorban seperti ini kami sudah tidak tega melihat Bapak, kami janji kami akan merawat ibu sebaik-baiknya secara bergantian".

Pak Suyatno menjawab hal yang sama sekali tidak diduga anak-anak mereka.
"Anak-anakku... Jikalau perkawinan dan hidup di dunia ini hanya untuk nafsu, mungkin bapak akan menikah... .tapi ketahuilah dengan adanya ibu kalian disampingku itu sudah lebih dari cukup. Dia telah melahirkan kalian." Sejenak kerongkongannya tersekat, "Kalian yg selalu kurindukan hadir didunia ini dengan penuh cinta yang tidak satupun dapat menghargai dengan apapun. Coba kalian tanya ibumu apakah dia menginginkan keadaannya seperti ini. Kalian menginginkan Bapak bahagia, apakah batin Bapak bisa bahagia meninggalkan ibumu dengan keadaanya sekarang, kalian menginginkan Bapak yg masih diberi Tuhan kesehatan dirawat oleh orang lain, bagaimana dengan Ibumu yg masih sakit?"
Sejenak meledaklah tangis anak-anak Pak Suyatno. Merekapun melihat butiran-butiran kecil jatuh di pelupuk mata ibu Suyatno..Dengan pilu ditatapnya mata suami yang sangat dicintainya itu. Sampailah akhirnya Pak Suyatno diundang oleh salah satu stasiun TV swasta untuk menjadi narasumber dan merekapun mengajukan pertanyaan kepada Suyatno kenapa mampu bertahan selama 25 tahun merawat istrinya yang sudah tidak bisa apa-apa. Di saat itulah meledak tangis beliau dengan tamu yang hadir di studio kebanyakan kaum perempuanpun tidak sanggup menahan haru. Di situlah Pak Suyatno bercerita.

"Jika manusia di dunia ini mengagungkan sebuah cinta dalam perkawinannya, tetapi tidak mau memberi (memberi waktu, tenaga, pikiran, perhatian) adalah kesia-siaan. Saya memilih istri saya menjadi pendamping hidup saya, dan sewaktu dia sehat diapun dengan sabar merawat saya, mencintai saya dengan hati dan batinnya bukan dengan mata, dan dia memberi saya empat orang anak yang lucu-lucu. Sekarang dia sakit karena berkorban untuk cinta kita bersama. Dan itu merupakan ujian bagi saya, apakah saya dapat memegang komitmen untuk mencintai dia apa adanya. Sehatpun belum tentu saya mencari penggantinya, Apalagi dia sakit."

BILA ANDA MERASA BAHAN RENUNGAN INI SANGAT BERMANFAAT BAGI ANDA DAN BAGI ORANG LAIN,
MOHON DIPERBANYAK KE TEMAN, FAMILY DAN KERABAT ANDA LAINNYA. SEMOGA BERMANFAAT.

All these mess and stuff,
got to be any answer of it..
I've been collecting the pictures in life
and half of it has been set up full
just like jigsaw, I can see of them
but some other still scatter like used papers in the basket,
I'm on my half way,
feels like standing in the middle of grass field
all I can see as far as my eyes look,
just a field of green grass that point at the edge of firmament,
it is my will wherever I go,
sure there is a vision that emerge on the side of the firmament,
the closer I get there, and the views get closer to be seen..

The point is,
when one view to be seen and show up the whole picture,
there is a big desire to get involve with and get in on the colourful portrait..

But, how can I join in that vision?
What am I supposed to do to be part of it?
Should be the strength of the spirit that help to make it easy
must be any other things as a way through to aim..

Wish life is as a simple of mind to define it
could life a little bit slowdown to gear a heart
all I need is just the truth of these vision
whether it sets me to cross to other field
or just be here
but I,
most of all wishing the pictures set up completely and lay there
to give the answer of a mind's question

I see that life being nice to you
take you higher and white than anyone else ever got on their life
did you ever think?
In the silence day you've got
to share a split of the moment with someone else
that you never think about it
just the untouchable thought that you never cross in your mind
let it out of what you have in the mind

I see the days being walked smoothly on you
bring you the finest day
that you ever got than anyone else ever got
did you ever think?
In the glittering light that ever you see in the night
to bring a moment with someone you never thought
it gonna be a great moment with
let it out of what you keep inside your heart
the untouchable sense that no one else know about it

When the wind comes through
send its breez..
What are you gonna do?
Leave it? Or turn your heart around
and see what it comes with it
when the season comes down
bring it sense
what are you gonna do?
Take it? Or let the leaves falling
without knowing the wind is so cool and fresh touch it branches
when the sky turns to blue and shines bright
what are you gonna do?
Turn your face down and see the ground so grey
and the smell of a damp leave ready to fade
what are you gonna do?
Just waiting the star passing by in the sky
without knowing that the moon shines bright

dedicated to someone
"life has many mays to open your eyes, not just one way you know"

So tell me...
Is there any sense that capture in your heart?
So secure and peacefull when one of us around
where all thought of doubt and awkward disappear
aging by the smile and look that comes by the day
it just so close so far
either I know this feeling has affecting me before
or I just can't neglected the view of your charms
on the finest day that you ever have in your life

'till dry this ink on my paper
'till gone this memory in my mind
'till it fading in the air the colour in my eyes
'till being forgotten the memory of me in this world
'till disappear the sense in this heart
'till numb the vessels in my body
'till stop the beat in me
'till empty the air that i breath
'till worn out the story of my life
'till knot the words in my mouth
'till light comes n steal my only soul
'till nothing can be shown here in this ground

"sendiri" kukira itu adalah kata yang paling menakutkan yang pernah aku dengar dalam hidupku
aku tidak tahu bagaimana menghadapinya
aku benar-benar menyukai menjadi "penuh sesak" seperti orang lain
tapi kenyataanya tidak sama sekali
aku hanya senang merasakan perasaanku sendiri.. "pada saat ini"
dan aku tak tahu apa yang kupikirkan saat ini
dan hal itu lebih menakutkanku daripada hanya satu kata, yaitu "sendiri"
aku hanya mencari siapa aku sebenarnya
seperti halnya menyibak kabut jauh-jauh
yang kubutuhkan hanyalah mengencangkan sabuk pengaman
karena kadang - kadang "goncangan-goncangan" membuatku terkejut
seperti dongeng dan aku terjebak di tengah-tengahnya
apakah aku bertahan? Dan menjadi pemeran utama?
Tidak keliatan atau hanya menjadi pengintai saja?
Aku harus mencari tahu..
Satu - satunya jalan tuk mengetahuinya hanya dengan mengikuti "plot"nya.

A little girl
walking along on the crowded street
always stare down, she's got her own thought
nevermind about the honk of the buses blowing, torn the air
for the taxi driver waving his hand
looking for passangers
she just listened to her mind,
when is it gonna be over?
Facing the days full of grieving
and when she got home,
feel the journey has stopped
she cannot find the real voice
in the place where people call it home

I'm gonna away,
run to the green of the mountain
I'm gonna away,
come to the blue of the seashore
I'm gonna away,
fly to the skx that shinning blue
I'm gonna away,
away from here